My Weight Loss Journey

I've been wanting to write this post for a while now, mostly for myself, so that I can remember where I was and how far I've come.  But I also wanted to share it because I know there are so many other people who struggle with their weight, so maybe my story can help encourage someone else to take the steps needed to be healthy.

Where I Was
I lost a lot of weight and was in the best shape of my life on our wedding day.  And then it all went downhill from there (sorry for the false advertising, honey).  I found out that I was pregnant on our six month anniversary, gained A LOT of weight from that pregnancy and never got it all off.  Struggled with depression and gained more weight.  Had baby #2 and actually did lose some of that weight, but then went through another period of depression and gained even more weight.  Last spring (when these pictures were taken), I was extremely large.

It was bad.  I had trouble picking up toys from the living room floor, so I would sit there and try to reach them without moving much.  I started having random tingling in my legs and feet, I was getting arthritis in my fingers and I didn't have any clothes that would fit me anymore.  I regularly had emotional breakdowns because I'm sure my physical and mental/emotional health were connected.

I was so ashamed of myself because I KNEW what I looked like and I KNEW I was slowly killing myself and I KNEW that I needed to do something to change.  I had been an athlete through college and I just felt so GUILTY that I had done this to my body.  The problem, though, is that when I was feeling bad about myself, and I was stressed and overwhelmed and just feeling "stuck," I would eat to make myself feel better.  I felt so bad about myself but I honestly didn't have the energy to do anything about it.

What I Did
I took the time to really think through my options of what I needed to do, even thinking of my excuses ahead of time and finding solutions before I even started.  I didn't want to spend money on a gym membership, and I needed to plan for childcare.  I knew it would make the most sense to start walking outside, but it was June and very hot down here in Georgia.  So the best solution I could come up with was to start walking around the neighborhood before the kids woke up and before my husband had to get ready for work.

I also had to be very realistic with where I was and what I could handle.  I started by walking just 30 minutes a day at 6:30AM.  After a week or two, I increased it to 45 minutes.  My friend Rachel joined me and I loved having the time to walk and talk with her.

I also made some basic changes to my diet -- instead of drinking 4-5 Diet Cokes and Dr. Peppers a day, I cut back to just one for dinner.  I drank more water.  I stopped eating sweets all the time (although I would still let myself have a treat every now and then).  Basically, I just became more aware of my food choices.

I DID NOT want to do one of the latest diets or pills or shakes or anything like that.  First, I didn't want to spend money.  Second, I just don't really believe in them.  Third, I wanted to find a way that would last (and most of those diets produce quick, but not long-term, results).  But most importantly...I KNEW that eating healthy and working out was the best way to get in shape.  I didn't need any other program telling me basic things that I already knew!!

Rachel and I kept up our morning walks in June, July and August.  I lost some weight, but not much.  Still, I was building a foundation and getting stronger.  I knew it would take time to get to the point where I could really be working out again.  In August, our friend Kym started joining us for our morning walks, too.  But then school started for our kids and we had to figure out a new plan.  I had to be home by 6:45AM, so we decided to start walking at 5:30AM.  Rach wasn't able to commit to that because of her family's schedule, so it was just Kym and me.

I remember clearly one day in early September, Kym and I were walking and she said that she needed more from her workouts, because walking wasn't enough anymore.  I said that we should probably start running, and she agreed, saying we needed to start right then.  Boom.  We ran a VERY short stretch (just down the street a little), but we did it.  From there on, we started adding more short runs into our walks.  We kept increasing our running stretches until we were finally able to run around the entire neighborhood without stopping.

Kym also had a workout group from her church that had met earlier in the year, so she started that group back up again on Friday mornings, and I joined them as well.  Stephanie comes to lead us in a kick-butt circuit, mixing strength and cardio, and just pushing us more every week.  The group has evolved from only friends from Kym's church to now an awesome mix of women who we know from many different circles.  Stephanie still trains us on Fridays, but we also meet on Mondays and Wednesdays, too, usually doing a workout video (like BeachBody, P90X or Jillian Michaels) or sometimes our own circuits.

Other things that I have done?  First, Kym is an amazing accountability partner!  She is much better than me at sticking to her diet -- I still indulge too often.  But I'm choosing to surround myself with people who can encourage me in this journey, so I stay close to Kym and we are really forming a great community within our morning workout group.  I also love setting goals.  I have My Big Goal that I want to reach sometime in 2015, but I also keep track of small goals and cross off every time I lose another 5 pounds.  I use the MyFitnessPal and MapMyRun apps, and I now have a new FitBit that helps me with daily goals.  I've also increased my water to a gallon a day...yes, I drink a gallon of water every day!

What Challenges I Faced
Oh, man, there are so many mental challenges in this weight loss journey!  I really struggled with the "why me" questions.  I have friends and family members who can eat whatever they want, but never seem to gain weight at all.  Or I have other friends who enjoy working out and crave a good run or a green salad.  THIS IS NOT ME.  There was one morning in particular that I went on my walk and I really felt like I was stomping like a little kid, asking God why He gave me the body and the metabolism that He did.  But I've come to accept that this is who I am and this is what I struggle with.  I hate it, but I don't have to stay like it.  This is a part of my life that I CAN change.

And I still have many mornings that I don't want to work out!  Running in the morning was smart in the summer, but it is cold in the winter!  Yes, even in Georgia. :)  I don't like waking up at 4:45AM and I don't like running.  But I love the feeling when I'm finished -- and I'm still hoping that maybe someday, it'll click and I will crave a good run.

Where I Am Now
I'm 27 pounds down!  But I still have a lot more to go to hit my goal weight.  My BMI is not in the "obese" category anymore!  I never thought I would be so excited to be classified as "overweight," but now I'm excited to be working towards the "normal" range.

I'm down from wearing XXL shirts to just L shirts, and I'm not exactly sure what size jeans I wear now, but I'm down probably 2 or 3 sizes in those, too.

I feel great!  My friend asked me the other day how I'm able to get up early to work out, put in 40 hours of work a week, keep up with my stay-at-home mom responsibilities and still maintain my sanity.  Honestly, eating healthier, drinking water and working out has given me the energy I need to do all those things!

I don't have those tingling feelings in my legs and feet anymore, no more arthritis in my fingers, no more emotional breakdowns (well, maybe a few every now and then -- I am still a woman!).  I am a much more active mom!  I get on the floor and play with my kids more because it doesn't take so much energy for me to get back up.  I don't hide behind my kids in pictures.  I'm sure I'm smiling a lot more these days, too!

And remember how I started by just walking 30 minutes a day?  Well, Kym and I ran a 5K in November!!  And on the days we're not with our workout group, we still run around the neighborhood -- but we now do 4.5 miles without stopping!!!!

What Is Next
I'm so excited for 2015!  It's great to start the year off knowing that I have a good plan in place to reach my fitness goals.  I'm looking forward to losing even more weight, finding even more muscles to tone and even fitting in clothes that have been buried in my closet for years.  I know that I still have a long way to go...in fact, it's kind of vulnerable to put all this out for people to read, knowing that my body still isn't where it should be.

But I am putting this out there because maybe someone reading this wants to make a New Year's resolution but doesn't know where to start.  Maybe they don't have the money for a gym membership or maybe the diets they've tried never seemed to stick.  If that describes you, please PM me!  I would love to give you some encouragement.  Because, seriously, if I can do this from where I was, then ANYONE can do it!!

(Picture on the left is from April 2014; picture on the right is from Christmas 2014)

Ten Ways I Still Use My MAHE as a SAHM

Someone asked me the other day if I was still blogging about my transition from an Associate Dean of Students to a Stay-At-Home-Mom.  No, I haven't been, mostly because that transition has been intertwined with my husband losing his job, and I've needed to deal with those thoughts and emotions privately.  But after she said that, I started to think more about my "former life" and how I actually DO still use my Master's degree and other transferrable skills from my 12 years working in higher education.

I'm writing this post because it was encouraging to think about how my career may have changed drastically, but the education and experiences I've had have better prepared me for this current role as Mommy.  But I'm also hoping that this post will speak to at least one young woman out there, who is wondering if it is "worth it" to pursue advanced degrees and career opportunities, knowing that someday she may give it all up to stay home with her kids.  Because IT IS.  So, here we go...ten ways that I still use my MAHE (Master of Arts in Higher Education) as a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom).

1. Mental health crises don't just happen on college campuses.  As an Associate Dean, I worked closely with our counseling department and walked alongside many students struggling with depression, eating disorders, same sex attraction, self harm, addictions and other mental health issues.  And guess what?  People still struggle with those same issues after college, too.  I am thankful that I have had so much exposure to real pain because when I have had close friends also face these challenges, I am not scared away and I can offer hope and encouragement in their dark and scary times.

2. Stick to the rules and have tough skin.  I'll admit it -- I'm a people pleaser.  So I HATE when I make people mad, which was difficult both as an Associate Dean and now as a mom.  But I have learned that it is important to stick to the rules I have set, even when they're somewhat arbitrary...I don't know why open halls close at 11:00 PM and I don't know why you have to eat three more bites of your dinner, but those are the rules and I need to enforce them.  And while I really hated reading frustrated opinion articles in the school newspaper or getting nasty emails from students, it has helped me to have tougher skin and not take criticism so personally -- like when the dinner I spent an hour preparing has been thrown on the floor.

3. Wholistic programming is important in all stages of development.  It was important to me that my staff provided a variety of programs for their students to be involved in -- RAs were required to plan at least one social, one educational and one spiritual program each semester.  And even though I don't make myself fill out those beloved Program Summary Sheets, I do think through the activities my son and daughter are involved in and the way we spend our time each week.  We have play dates with friends (social), play rhyming games (educational) and read our Jesus Storybook Bible (spiritual).  I know how important it is to be intentional with the activities I do with my kids -- even if it's just doing the grocery shopping and sharing words that start with the letter B as in "banana."

4. Make lots of lists, then prioritize.  I always had a running "to do" list when I was an Associate Dean and that habit has carried over into my mom life.  It might seem like a trivial thing to even mention, but I did learn a lot as an Associate Dean about being realistic with my expectations for myself and what I can accomplish (your to do list for the day shouldn't ever be more than what can fit on a post-it note), and knowing when and how to get the things done that need to be done.  I also have learned the importance of using my time wisely -- whether blocking off an afternoon to work on a Board report or folding laundry during naptime.  My staff knew some of my favorite words were "intentional" and "proactive" -- which I still think is important when setting up my SAHM routine.

5. It's important to find quality products, even when on a tight budget.  Working with residence halls made me familiar to the term "deferred maintenance," a fancy way of saying, "putting off projects until we have more money."  Unfortunately, money seems to always be tight (both for Christian colleges and for SAHM families), so it's important to find quality products that won't break down in a year.  I did a lot of research on lobby furniture, bunk beds, dressers, etc. to find products that could handle the wear and tear of rough college students.  Now, I am still looking for ways to get the most bang for my buck -- shopping consignment sales for kids' clothes (and knowing which brand names to stay away from), switching to Aldi brands for the majority of our food, but also knowing how wise it is to splurge on the "good" paper towels from Walmart.  These are important decisions that keep our family budget in the black each month.

6. Grumpy parents love their children and don't usually mean to take it out on you.  I worked with parents of college students A LOT -- more each year, in fact.  They would call me about everything from their son's roommate not cleaning his dishes in their apartment to asking for extensions on a quiz their daughter was supposed to take.  And they always expected me to fix their problems immediately.  In my new role, unfortunately, I find that I am the grumpy parent!  It's really difficult to let my two-year-old drink from a cup without a lid, knowing that she's just going to make a mess that I will have to clean up.  Many parents of college students aren't sure when to let their kids handle their problems and when it's just easier to do it themselves -- and because I worked with so many overly protected students, I have learned how important it is to teach my kids how to be independent, even when it's easier for me to just do things for them.

7. Confront sin and discipline out of love.  As I said earlier, I'm a people pleaser, but my many years of Residence Life experience has forced me to be more comfortable with confrontation.  Because I really do believe in the bigger picture -- confrontation is hard and scary, but when you have the ultimate good in mind for that student or for your friend, you do what you have to do.  The same is true with discipline.  I learned that when I was in a discipline meeting with a female student who had been sexually active, it's okay for her to see my eyes well up with tears as I talked to her.  And it's okay for me to send my son to his room for hitting his sister, but then go in a few minutes later and give him a big hug, reminding him that even when he does something wrong, I still love him.

8. Grace, grace, grace.  I firmly believe in setting boundaries and enforcing them, both with college students and toddlers/young children.  But in every situation, I pray that I can see the heart behind the actions.  When my daughter was born, there were times when my son was extra "naughty," and I know he was just trying to get my attention.  We didn't let him get away with things he wasn't supposed to be doing, but I also recognized when it was time for me to cuddle with only him and give him some needed one-on-one attention.

9. Just because I can't see it, doesn't mean good things aren't happening.  One of the most difficult aspects of being an Associate Dean was to love, disciple, invest in and walk with students during their college years, only to have them graduate and move on, with only Facebook statuses and Instagram posts as glimpses into their lives.  As I'm now out of the higher education community, I have found myself wondering even more what kind of impact I had on people and why I even bothered investing so much, when there's nothing to "show" for it.  I like things to be tangible and concrete, lists that I can check off and goals that I can see I've accomplished.  But my daily efforts around the house and with my children have intangible results as well -- no matter how hard I work, my kids will still fight over toys, there will always be more dishes to do, and I will never be completely caught up on housework.  Proverbs 31 says that "her children arise and call her blessed," but that doesn't happen around here!  But as I learned in my "former life," I just need to be faithful in what God has called me to do, and trust that He is working in my students' and my children's lives, even when I can't see the whole picture.

10. "Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us" (I Thessalonians 2:8). This was my life verse while I was working in Student Development -- I loved college students so much that not only did I want to share the gospel with them, but I wanted to share my life with them as well.  Just recently it hit me how this verse was applicable to my role as a SAHM, too.  I love my kids so much that I want to share my life with them -- I quit my job to stay home with them, I spend almost every waking (and sometimes sleeping) moment with them, and their lives ARE my life.  I do this because I want to invest in them, develop them, grow them to be the man and woman after God's own heart that I pray they will be.  And as I learned from my education and experience in higher education, there is no substitute for true life-on-life relational ministry.  So my kids will see me when I'm crying and having a bad day, they will see me put something back on the shelf because we don't have the money to buy that right now, they will see me reading my Bible in the mornings, they will hear me talking to my best friend or my sister on the phone, they will see me laughing and smiling as we play hide-and-seek and they will nestle down next to me and cuddle with me while watching another episode of Curious George.

Would I have done all these things as a mom, even if I didn't have a MA in Higher Education and 12 years of Student Development experience?  Maybe.  But did my MAHE and time as a college professional help shape me to be who I am today?  Definitely.  So even if I'm not directly using my degree right now, I don't regret that investment at all.  I'm a better person because of the education and experiences I had earlier in life, and I'm a better mommy for it, too.