mid-life crisis of identity

Sorry I've been MIA for the past couple of months.  And it's sad that I haven't posted more, since we've had so many great things going on:

• celebrating Ash's third birthday (super cool rocket ship theme)
• Kennedy turning seven, eight and (today) nine months and now crawling, climbing and cruising
• earning a promotion with Pampered Chef and going to Denver for a conference
• celebrating my 35th and Greg's 39th birthdays
• and just overall recording of all kinds of cuteness that the kids are saying and doing these days (for example, when I told Ash yesterday to stop playing with his wee-wee, he said, "But I need to play with my wee-wee, Mommy.  It's big!")

And I have all kinds of pictures that I should have been putting up on here at some point, too.  But as I'm trying to keep up with the kids, the house and my PC business, blogging has fallen lower on my priority list.  Until tonight. :)  I've had this post simmering in my mind for a few weeks now, and I'm finally taking the opportunity of a quiet house late at night to write it out.

So here's the thing.  I feel like I'm having to start my life completely over these days, and I find myself really questioning where I find my identity.  The last time I felt this way was back in 2008, when my identity really did change, as I went from being a Gosselink to being a Ford.  I was 30 and getting married for the first time, and it rocked my "strongindependentsinglewoman" world.  But because I married a man who loved me for being strong and independent, and because my job and my friends and everything still stayed the same, the transition wasn't that difficult and I thankfully still enjoy my new identity as a Ford.  (Signing my name is SO MUCH easier!)

But in the past 6-9 months or so, I have gone through many more life transitions.  I have gone from having one kid to having two kids -- not as easy as it might sound.  I have gone from working a more-than-full-time job to being a stay-at-home mom.  I used to do Pampered Chef as a part-time job/hobby, but now I have a full team and a growing business to maintain.  I no longer work in higher education, the career that I had built over 12 years.  I don't see my friends every day anymore.  And we've even been checking out other churches lately, too.

I had one of my "whatintheworldishappeningtome" moments when I was at the national leadership conference for Pampered Chef in Denver.  I was travelling with some awesome women who had been to these conferences many times over the past 10 or so years.  They knew all the ins and outs ("make sure you're last in line here, because..." and "they usually give this away then") and they knew all of the "big name" people in the business.  And I had this moment of crisis...what was I doing at a freakin Pampered Chef conference?!?  I had been going to the ACSD conference for 12 years and I was the one who knew all of the ins and outs, I knew the big named people and I was actually building MY career and people knew ME at those conferences!  And now, where am I?  Starting all over again, going to my first PC conference and starting a completely different career.  Identity shock #1.

And I know that I blogged about friendships changing before, but as more time has passed, I just have to say that making new friends as an adult really sucks.  I understand that things have changed, but I miss having friends who already know me and love me.  I really do like the new friends that I'm making, but they don't know me yet.  I'm starting completely over with my friendships, and while these new friends are getting to know me, we're not at a point where we can support each other on a deeper, personal level.  And most of them already have their support systems and friendships in place -- I'm someone new that is trying to fit into their already established lives.  So during this transition time of finding new friends and trying to get to a point of depth and support, I'm lonely.  Identity shock #2.

And I'm learning what it means to really be a full-time mom.  The biggest challenge with that right now is with Kennedy, who ONLY wants to be with me all. of. the. time.  She screams and cries and gets big red welts on her face if I'm gone for more than 15 minutes.  And we've done everything the way we were "supposed" to -- we introduced the bottle around 6 weeks (which she took fine until 5 months), I've left her home with Daddy 1-2 times a week, and I even went away for three full days/nights last month.  But it's getting worse with her, so much that I've decided that unless I'm going to a show and I honestly cannot take her with me, then I'll just take her everywhere I go or sit things out until she's over this phase.  So remember when I used to be a strongindependentsinglewoman?  Or even a capableindependentworkingmom?  Yeah, now I find myself more tied down than I've ever been in my life.  Identity shock #3.

I could go on and on about the different identity shocks I've been feeling, but the bottom line is, they don't matter!  Because THANK THE LORD, my identity is NOT found in my career, my friendships, my independence, my children or anything else of this world.  I am a child of God, and He MADE me and He LOVES me and that will NEVEREVEREVER change.  (And my husband!  I love that through all of the transitions that I'm going through and we will both go through, Greg will always be with me as my best friend and partner in life.)

As I think about this mid-life crisis of identity I'm going through, the best analogy I can think of is that I'm like a tree.  I used to have long branches with beautiful leaves on them, leaves that brought me attention and affirmation, comfort and confidence.  But those leaves have been falling quickly around me, and I feel very naked and exposed without them.  I know that I'm still the same tree, but I look and feel very different.  It's not comfortable yet, but I know that my roots are firm in the foundation of Christ, and new leaves will eventually grow into place.  (Okay, that turned out to be MUCH cheesier than I meant for it to be.  But you get the point.)

Sigh.  I really don't like having to restart my life as a 35-year-old.  But I am thankful for the neverchanging love and presence of the Lord and my husband, and for the way I am becoming more and more comfortable with this new identity of mine.  Or at least I'm trying. :)

Five Ford Family Favorite Foods

I'm a self-proclaimed "recipe hoarder."  I love to cook, but I'm not very good at just throwing things together, so I collect all kinds of recipes and try at least one new recipe a week.  I'm also big into sharing, so today I'm giving you five of our favorite meals that I regularly make.

Tacos in Pasta Shells

1 1/4 lbs lean ground beef (sometimes I only use 1 lb, if that's all I have)
1 (3 oz) pkg cream cheese
1 tsp salt
1 tsp chili powder
18 jumbo pasta shells (make sure they're not cracked)
2 Tbl butter, melted
1 cup taco sauce
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup shredded Mont. Jack cheese
1 1/2 cup crushed tortilla chips
1 cup sour cream
green onions (optional)

In a large skillet, brown beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain.  Add cream cheese, salt and chili powder; mix and simmer for 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, bring a large pot of water to a boil.  Add pasta and cook for 8-10 minutes or until al dente; drain.  Toss cooked shells in butter.

Preheat oven to 350.  Fill shells with beef mixture and arrange in a 9x13" baking dish; pour taco sauce over shells.  Cover with foil and bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes.  Remove dish from oven and top with cheeses and tortilla chips; return dish to oven to cook for 15 minutes more.  Top with sour cream and onions.

Chicken and Cashews in Lettuce Cups
3 Tbl low-sodium soy sauce
3 Tbl honey (the husband likes me to double the soy sauce and honey mixture)
2 Tbl canola oil
1 1/2 lbs chicken, cut into 3/4" pieces
1/2 tsp black pepper
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 Tbl grated ginger
1 bunch scallions, trimmed and sliced
8 oz can sliced water chestnuts, drained
1/4 cup roasted unsalted cashews
1 small head Boston or Bibb lettuce, leaves separated

Combine the soy sauce and honey in a small bowl; set aside.  Heat oil in large skillet over medium-high heat.  Season the chicken with 1/2 tsp pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until it begins to brown, about 3 minutes.

Lower heat to medium and stir in the garlic and ginger.  Add the scallions and cook for 1 minute.

Stir in the water chestnuts and half the soy sauce mixture and continue to cook until the chicken is cooked through, about 4 minutes.  Remove from heat and sprinkle with the cashews.

Divide the lettuce leaves among individual plates and spoon the chicken over the top.  Serve with the remaining soy sauce mixture for drizzling.  Serves 4.

Easy Pasta Skillet

1 lb ground beef
3 cups penne pasta, uncooked
1 jar (28 oz) pasta sauce
8 oz shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

Brown ground beef in large skillet; drain.  Add 2 1/2 cups water.  Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to medium low.  Stir in pasta; cover.  Simmer 15 minutes or until pasta is tender.

Stir in pasta sauce and 1 cup of the mozzarella cheese.  Sprinkle with remaining cheeses; cover and cook for 3 minutes or until cheese is melted.

(Great for a weeknight meal for working moms!)

Chicken Bundles

Chicken Filling:
3 medium to large boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 (8 oz) pkg cream cheese, softened
1 stick melted butter
3 cans crescent rolls (8-ct each)

Crumb Topping:
1 cup seasoned bread crumbs
1 stick melted butter

Gravy:
2 cans cream of chicken soup
1 soup can of water

In a stockpot, boil chicken until done.  Remove and let cool; shred or cut up into bite-sized pieces.  Preheat oven to 350.  Lightly grease cookie sheet (or use pizza stone or bar pan).

In a bowl, combine chicken, cream cheese and 1 stick of butter (melted); mix well.  Spread on wide end of crescent roll, then fold over, tucking the end point of crescent roll under, so it doesn't come loose during baking.

Mix remaining stick of butter with bread crumbs.  Spoon one mound of bread crumbs on center of each bundle.  Bake for 20 minutes or until crescent rolls are slightly golden brown.

In a saucepan, add cream of chicken soup and one can of water; mix well.  Heat and serve gravy over top of chicken bundles.  Makes 24 rolls.

(Tip:  You can go ahead and make chicken filling and gravy and just use 1 can of crescent rolls.  The chicken filling and gravy will keep a few days in the refrigerator.  Then use the other cans as needed.)

Beef Nacho Casserole

1 lb. ground beef
1/2 cup onion, chopped (optional)
1 1/2 cup chunky salsa
1 (10 oz) can whole kernel corn, drained
3/4 cup Miracle Whip or sour cream
1 tsp chili powder
2 cups crushed tortilla chips (I like to use Fritos)
2 cups shredded Colby cheese

Preheat oven to 350.  Brown beef and onion; drain.  Remove from heat and stir in salsa, corn, mayo/sour cream, chili powder. 

In a 2-quart casserole dish, layer the ground beef mixture, chips and cheese twice, ending with the cheese on top.

Bake for 20 minutes uncovered, until cheese is melted and dish is thoroughly heated.


Since I said I like to share recipes, now it's YOUR turn to give me one of your favorite weeknight meals, to add to my collection. :)

Can women have it all?

A few weeks ago, there was an article published in The Atlantic called, "Why Women Still Can't Have It All." (http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/?single_page=true).  One of my friends first sent it to me, then I saw a few other people talking about it on facebook, and I saw two different TV news stories discussing this controversial article.  In the article, Anne-Marie Slaughter talks about her high-powered career in Washington and how she gave it up to have more time with her family.

It's a fairly long article, but about 1/4 of the way into it, I started to cry, as Slaughter's words hit close to home.  She was talking about the exact transition that I am going through, and had come to the same conclusion I had -- while I seemed to be "having it all" by working my full-time job and coming home to a loving husband and child, it was deceptively more challenging than I had ever imagined, and I was miserable.

There are three times in my life when I know for sure that I heard God speak to me -- once in college, once in grad school and once on my wedding day.  (Maybe I'll write about those other two times in another blog someday!)  During that moment in grad school, I was sitting in my Sociology of Higher Education class and we were discussing the lack of women in upper-level positions at Christian colleges and universities.  Frustrated, I thought to myself, "Why aren't more women pursuing these positions?"  And I remember God answering, very clearly, "Why not YOU, Emily?"

From then on, I pursued a career in higher education, believing that even if I were to get married and have kids, this was my calling.  My master's thesis researched what was being done (and what else could be done) to develop women for leadership positions at CCCU institutions.  Greg knew my plans when we first got married.  So when I got pregnant with Ash, coming back to work after maternity leave wasn't even a question. 

But I didn't anticipate the deeply personal, hurtful challenges I went through.  When writing my thesis, I knew the difficulties that women faced working in higher education, but I was blindsided by the unique challenges I faced as a working mom.  What do I do when my mother-in-law (my baby's caretaker) calls me at 6:00 in the morning and says she's sick?  Do I use another one of my precious sick/personal days, even though the baby and I are perfectly healthy?  Even a back-up baby-sitter needs more advance notice than that.  How do I physically function throughout the long work day when I've been up with the baby multiple times -- a "good" night's sleep is only waking up twice?  What do I do when I feel like I'm letting everybody in my life down?  I wasn't able to give as much at work like I used to (and people were reminding me of this painful truth), I was away from my son more than I was with him, I was an emotional mess for my husband to deal with, and I was just too tired to pick up my Bible.

Slaughter's article highlighted some of the special challenges that working moms face.  Even though Greg is an amazing dad and a very supportive husband, there is a different, maternal, deeply personal responsibility that I have for my kids.  Slaughter mentioned this as a unique gift in women she's observed.  And in my thesis research, the Vice President of Academic Affairs at another Christian university noted that when hiring female professors, they often said taking the job would be dependent on their husbands finding jobs in the area, while male faculty members never made that stipulation.  The way that a woman carries the burden for her family's needs is different than how a man carries his responsibility.

Slaughter also writes, "Workers who put their careers first are typically rewarded; workers who choose their families are overlooked, disbelieved, or accused of unprofessionalism....Ultimately, it is society that must change, coming to value choices to put family ahead of work just as much as those to put work ahead of family. If we really valued those choices, we would value the people who make them; if we valued the people who make them, we would do everything possible to hire and retain them; if we did everything possible to allow them to combine work and family equally over time, then the choices would get a lot easier."

I agree with Slaughter's insights.  It would have been so helpful for me to have more control over my own schedule, or at least given flexible working hours or the option of working from home.  And I definitely wish I would have been commended for making the choice to leave right at 4:30 (the official end of the work day), so that I could go home and make dinner for my family.  But in today's society, the "new norm" is to put in well over 50 hours of work a week, plus be on call whenever at home. 

Honestly, I think there is a part of me that still feels like I failed.  I couldn't handle the working mom thing, so I quit and joined the ranks of the stay-at-home mom.  I must be too soft, or just didn't work hard enough.  And that's part of what Slaughter is writing about -- we as a society are setting women up for "failure" by telling them they can have it all, when really, the only way to make it work is if you don't have a family, your family is all grown, or you have control over your own schedule.  It's helpful for me to read Slaughter's article and hear that other women have struggled just like I did.  And I think it's okay to admit that while I am so thankful that I'm home with my kids, I'm still processing through my time as a working mom, and what I wish I could have done differently or what kind of accommodations I wish would have been available for me.

I think I'll leave it at that, though -- I'm thinking and processing and questioning, knowing that through it all, the Lord has given me an overwhelming sense of peace that I am pursuing His calling for my life by being a stay-at-home mom.  For now. :)

retirement and Grandpa's visit

Friday, May 18 was my last day working at Covenant College and the end of my 12-year career in higher education.  Thursday, May 24 was my dad's last day working at Principal Financial Group and the end of his 34-year role as an actuary in that company.  It's been fun going through this transition with him -- we've had conversations about where we find our identities, what we're going to do with our extra time and what we think we've accomplished in our careers.

But as I think about my dad and the work that he has done for the past 34 years, I am most impressed by the intangible effects that he has had on so many lives.  There were opportunities he could have taken that would have led to higher promotions for him, yet he very adamantly kept his working hours so that he could come home at nights and coach his four daughters and their many different sports teams.  He worked a job that made enough money so my mom could stay home with us when we were younger.  And he knew us and was involved in our lives.  Long road trips for volleyball tournaments and hanging out in between softball games gave us plenty of time to talk, and I saw my dad as more than just my coach or my dad, but as one of my best friends. 

Dad retired on Thursday, then got in his car early Saturday morning and took the 13+ hour drive down to visit us for a few days.  While it's so much fun when the entire Gosselink family can get together, Ash definitely thrives more in smaller groups, and it was obvious how much he loved playing with Grandpa!  We picked fresh strawberries from a farm, played outside and just enjoyed being together.  Here are some pictures from Grandpa's visit and a (sideways) video that you DEFINITELY need to watch. :)

Ash "helping" Grandpa play games on his Kindle Fire.

Eating breakfast together

My adorable strawberry pickers

Playing basketball

"More, Grandpa!  More!"

Big smiles for Grandpa

Grandpa was such a good sport, putting up with Ash's ideas for fun!

Happy baby girl with her grandpa

 Thanks for coming, Grandpa!  We love you!!

an irreplaceable calling

Well, I'm officially no longer an employee of Covenant College.  I had a really good last week of work, although it was busier than I expected it to be.  In April, I spent more time going through papers and deleting files and e-mails, but this past week, I had big projects to be working on, like new student housing and finishing a training manual for my replacement.  April was more of a nostalgic and emotional week (I think I cried at some point every day), but last week was so busy that I didn't have time to feel sad until Friday.

But, yeah, it was a good week.  I feel great about the work I finished and where I left things for my replacement (who I think is going to be awesome, by the way).  And I feel very much at peace about my decision to quit and stay home with my kids.  It's like the morning of June 14, 2008.  There haven't been too many times in my life when I knew for sure that God was speaking to me, but on that day, I knew without a single doubt that the one thing that God wanted me to do that day was to marry Greg Ford.  It was an awesome feeling, knowing that the biggest moment of my life was by far the easiest decision I had ever made.

I felt that same peace on Friday.  I loved the fellowship, community and spiritual growth I experienced at Covenant, but I really do not have any problems walking away, since I am thrilled to stay home with the kids.  At my farewell reception on Friday morning, the college chaplain said something to me that made my eyes well up with tears and still gets to me as I've thought about it all weekend.  He said that in his lifetime, he's had many different jobs, positions and callings.  But in all of them, he has always been replaced.  Sure, people were sad to see him go from his pastoral role in Pennsylvania, but they found someone to replace him just a few months later.  But, he said, there is one calling in his life where he can never be replaced -- being a dad to his children.  If anything ever happened to him, no one else could ever fill that void in their lives.  He told me he thought it was very admirable that I would now be devoting the majority of my time to my most important calling, where I could never be replaced.

I've taken two maternity leaves while an employee at Covenant, so I humbly realized that as important as I thought I was, the College was actually still able to survive in my absence. :)  And while I believe that I was called to serve as the Associate Dean at Covenant for all these years, I'm even more confident that I'm called to be Ash and Kennedy's mommy.  And I am so, so, so thankful that I'll be able to be home with them every day, loving them and developing them and serving them and pointing them to Christ.  It is the one calling in my life that only I can fulfill, and I am more than happy to do so!

self-care vs. laziness

I'm not sure who reads this blog, so people out there may or may not know that I went through a period of depression shortly after Ash was born.  It wasn't exactly postpartum depression, since it didn't start until Ash was around six months old, but it lasted until last fall (so about a year and a half, I guess).  I took Zoloft during this time and saw a counselor and my doctor regularly.  It was a dark and scary time in my life, but I am so incredibly blessed that the Lord brought me to a point of healing and I continue to do well these days.

In my counseling sessions, though, we pinpointed that one of my key struggles was making self-care a priority.  I felt such responsibility to the others around me -- I didn't want to let down my husband, my son, my boss, my RD staff, my friends, my students and of course my God.  My counselor helped me realize that I was taking on too much responsibility for other people's lives, wanting to make everybody happy all the time, and I needed to learn healthy boundaries and take better care of myself.

While I don't struggle with depression anymore, I do find myself fighting these same battles.  A friend and I are reading Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend right now, and I also read an article in Real Simple about women and time (which, ironically, was from the April issue -- I'm trying to catch up, since the June issue came in the mail this week!).  In the Real Simple article, they showed that some women make free time a priority, while other women use free time as a reward, after finishing other things from their to do lists.  The article said that statistically, the women who made free time a priority, even if they had other tasks waiting for them, were happier and healthier, while the latter were more likely to be stressed and unhappy.

But this is a very difficult thing for me.  I wish that I could make free time/self-care a priority, but I often feel lazy or selfish doing so.  Why should I put my needs above others' needs?  It doesn't feel like the Christian thing to do.  I know in my head that taking care of myself will help me take care of others, but I tend to push myself just a little more and more before I "need" to take the time to myself (aka on the verge of a meltdown).  I want to love my family self-sacrificially, which makes it difficult to find time to make self-care a priority.

Since I had just read Boundaries and the Real Simple article, I decided to try to do something for myself on Monday.  It might not seem like much, but I was going to take my time in the shower that morning.  Kennedy was asleep in her crib and Ash was watching TV in my bed.  I even took him to the potty before getting in the shower, to give myself a little more time in the shower.  Well, to make a long story short...Ash came to tell me that he had pooped in his underwear, and when he tried to "help" me by taking off his shorts and underwear, there was poop everywhere.  Everywhere.  And since I had to jump out of the shower so quickly, I was trying to clean it all up in just a towel.  What a mess!  I finally got him all cleaned up and went to get dressed and dry my hair...only to come back and find him peeing on the bathroom floor, jumping up and down in it and saying, "I splash, Mommy!"

So I'm still not convinced that self-care is worth it.  I could have taken a super quick shower and avoided that entire disaster.  Or maybe I just need to find other ways to take care of myself.  Both kids have been down for a nap for a couple of hours now, and after making dinner, putting away the groceries from this morning and picking up the living room, I'm avoiding the dishes and instead I'm watching last week's episode of Amazing Race while writing this blog.  That's self-care, right??

Sorry for so much rambling.  Here's the real reason people should read my blog -- a picture of my adorable kids!

one of those days

I texted Greg earlier today and said that HIS kids were driving me crazy today!!  I don't know what happened, but Ash has been ridiculously hyper all day, and Kennedy has been fussy unless I'm holding her.  It's my own fault, really, for being too ambitious when writing out my to do list this morning.  And then did I really think to myself that the kids would calm down if we got out of the house for a little bit and did the grocery shopping?  I should have known better!  Ash wouldn't sit in the shopping cart, so I had to keep wrangling him in as he would "help" find things that he thought we needed.  Kennedy usually sleeps through grocery shopping, but of course not today, so I was constantly putting her paci back in her mouth.  I'm shocked that I remembered to get everything on my grocery list (and that I didn't add "bottle of wine" to the list and start drinking it by aisle #3).

Later, when I was nursing Kennedy, Ash was eating quietly in the kitchen.  Or so I thought.  He had oh so creatively put his straw into his applesauce, spilling it onto his leg, which he was trying to lick off with his tongue.  After cleaning him off and refilling his lunch plate, I heard him take his go-gurt tube and fly it through the air, saying, "Super Yogurt!  Blast off!"  I found a nice blue spot on the chair where Super Yogurt must have "landed." 

But here's the thing...my kids are happy.  The reason Kennedy is fussy is because whenever I try to feed her, she doesn't eat enough.  All she wants to do is stare at me and smile and laugh.  How awesome is it that she finds such delight in just looking at me?  And it's not like Ash is being deliberately disobedient.  I love that he's a vibrant, creative and energetic little boy who sometimes gets distracted because he's having so much fun.

And there was a moment this afternoon when I was changing Kennedy's diaper, with Ash crawling on my back, while texting with a Pampered Chef client and entering her order into my laptop.  Seriously, I was doing all these things at one time.  And in the midst of the chaos, I felt a peace, knowing that this might have been "one of those days," but I was doing it.

make new friends, but keep the old...

One of the reasons I started this blog was to give myself an outlet for processing all of the changes in my life (because I'm an external processor and my husband, bless his heart, is NOT).  So this post might end up being just a bunch of jumbled thoughts, so forgive me for thinking "out loud."

When I was working my next-to-last-week at Covenant a couple of weeks ago, I expected certain things to be difficult--cleaning out my files, going to my last chapel, etc.  But I didn't expect to feel so sad about leaving my friends Julie and Janet.  It was a very, very busy week for them, and I found myself on the outside, not in the loop with them on the daily activities in the Student Development world, and being much more of an observer when I knew they were overwhelmed and exhausted.  It was difficult to know that I couldn't do anything to help them (and, honestly, my departure was actually giving them more work)...but it was even more difficult to get a glimpse into the future, knowing our relationships would be changing.  They are and will always be two of my best friends, but so much of our friendship was based on seeing each other every day.  I'm sure we'll get together when we can and we'll e-mail regularly and they do such a good job of trying to keep me included...but I know that things will change, and there's not much we can do about it.  I've always been pretty good about transitioning in my friendships over the years, but I already really miss Janet and Julie in my everyday life.

But then there are the blessings of new friends and rekindled old friends.  Now that I'm less busy during the day, I've been able to talk to my sister Sarah much more often than I could before.  (It helps that she's living in the same country now, too!)  And I feel a deeper connection with Ang, my best friend and another stay-at-home mom.  I love having Sarah and Ang so much more in my life these days.  And then there's Rachel, a woman who lives a street over from me, has a two-year-old little boy (Ash's new BFF), married to a sarcastic husband (Greg's new BFF), and who also just quit her job in January to be a SAHM...definitely a blessing from the Lord!  We've enjoyed nightly walks with our families, dinners at each other's houses and plenty of playdates for the boys, and now we're talking about reading/discussing a book together.  I would be so lonely without having Rachel as a friend--it's amazing how the Lord provides.

We're also in the process of changing churches.  When we were at Silverdale, we didn't get involved in a small group or Sunday school class, but since I was so involved at Covenant, I didn't feel like I was lacking Christian fellowship.  Now that I'm at home and out of the Covenant community, I find myself wanting to join every Bible study and small group suggested to me.  Not so much for Greg, though, and we're still trying to find the balance of introvert/extravert needs in a marriage. :)  I know two things, though.  First, I need to be growing in my spiritual walk, and I typically do that best through Christian community.  But second, I also know that I have a tendency to overcommit and get too involved in too many activities.  It's not just about me anymore, as my activities affect the time I have with my husband and children.  So I've decided to take my time and really pray about small groups, Sunday school classes, book clubs, nursery duty and other regular commitments before I sign up.  I know that I will need to be involved in something somewhere--it's how I'm wired.  But before jumping in and then realizing I'm in too deep, I need to spend more time praying about where God wants to use me, my time and my energy.

I think it would be easy to be lonely as a stay-at-home mom, and honestly, there have been times in the past few months (okay, days) where I've cried because I've felt alone in this transition.  But when I take a step back and look at the friends who God has placed in my life (even those who physically live farther away), I know that I'm extremely blessed.  He alone is sufficient, but I praise Him for His provisions of fellowship as well.

beautiful baby

Potty Training Boot Camp

So Ash had been doing fairly well with potty training in Novemberish.  (And by that, I mean he would still wear a diaper all day/night, but when we would make him sit on the potty right when he woke up, etc., then he would go.)  But then the holidays and company and Kennedy's birth all put that way down on the priority list.

Well, I finally hit a wall where I realized that I was being lazy and Ash was being stubborn. I declared yesterday as the day for Potty Training Boot Camp. We stayed home and changed him into big boy underwear.

I made some Crystal Light (a fun drink he usually doesn't get) and put it in a cup with one of those "silly straws."  He started drinking like crazy, and I would ask him every 5-10 minutes if he had to go potty.  Well, actually, I didn't ask him if he had to go, I just told him we were going. :)

We had a couple of accidents where he started to go in his underwear, but as soon as he did, he told me and I ran him into the bathroom.  Every time he went on the potty, he got a "gummy"--leftover Easter candy, which I kept in a glass bowl in the bathroom.

So at some point, it really just seemed to click with him!  I decided to not ask him if he had to go, but just watch him...and sure enough, he would look at me and just say with a worried look, "Mommy??"  Lots of encouragement and lots of cheering, and he was in love with his potty and big boy underwear (which he even brought with him for his naptime, since I kept him in a diaper then).  He even got to the point where he would want Rosco or Kennedy to come in and watch him. :)

Last night, when he was going to bed, he said he had to go potty again, and I told him he could go in his diaper, but he didn't want to.  I figure that was a good sign.  Then today, he was outside with Daddy (diaper on) and told him when he had to go potty...and again a little later, he told Daddy and came inside and went #2 on the potty!  We haven't had an accident since yesterday morning, which is awesome.  I'm sure we'll have setbacks along the way, but we are WAY far ahead of where we were just two days ago.  Yea Ash!!

Big brother, stylish sister?

Ash loves holding his sister, especially when I'm taking pictures. I didn't even tell him to kiss her like that!

And I'm pretty sure that Kennedy is rocking this dress because she's three months old. Purple leopard print skirts are not going to be common wardrobe choices in the future.

and so it begins

I'm hesitant to be starting a new blog.  Some of you might remember that I didn't do a very good job at keeping a blog when Ash was born (http://gregandemilyford.blogspot.com/); the last post I wrote there was almost exactly two years ago.  I also don't want to be the stereotypical stay-at-home mom who has this entire blogging community that she doesn't know in real life, who asks people to "add" her and posting pictures of her recent coupon-crazy purchases and how she threw an entire handcrafted birthday party for only $3.

But I'm also realizing that I've started to turn into "that mom" who overloads facebook with statuses about funny kid sayings and way too many pictures of her kids.  I can't help it, though, that Ash and Kennedy are the two most beautiful children in the world, and it's actually a crime for me to NOT post things about them all the time.  So to give myself an outlet, and because there might be a few people out there who want to read what I'm feeling through this career transition (hi, Mom!)...well, here's my blog.

And what better way to start my blog than with some recent pictures and a video of Ash, talking about me staying at home with him. :)

http://vimeo.com/40633973 (Click this to see the video of Ash.)