One of the reasons I started this blog was to give myself an outlet for processing all of the changes in my life (because I'm an external processor and my husband, bless his heart, is NOT). So this post might end up being just a bunch of jumbled thoughts, so forgive me for thinking "out loud."
When I was working my next-to-last-week at Covenant a couple of weeks ago, I expected certain things to be difficult--cleaning out my files, going to my last chapel, etc. But I didn't expect to feel so sad about leaving my friends Julie and Janet. It was a very, very busy week for them, and I found myself on the outside, not in the loop with them on the daily activities in the Student Development world, and being much more of an observer when I knew they were overwhelmed and exhausted. It was difficult to know that I couldn't do anything to help them (and, honestly, my departure was actually giving them more work)...but it was even more difficult to get a glimpse into the future, knowing our relationships would be changing. They are and will always be two of my best friends, but so much of our friendship was based on seeing each other every day. I'm sure we'll get together when we can and we'll e-mail regularly and they do such a good job of trying to keep me included...but I know that things will change, and there's not much we can do about it. I've always been pretty good about transitioning in my friendships over the years, but I already really miss Janet and Julie in my everyday life.
But then there are the blessings of new friends and rekindled old friends. Now that I'm less busy during the day, I've been able to talk to my sister Sarah much more often than I could before. (It helps that she's living in the same country now, too!) And I feel a deeper connection with Ang, my best friend and another stay-at-home mom. I love having Sarah and Ang so much more in my life these days. And then there's Rachel, a woman who lives a street over from me, has a two-year-old little boy (Ash's new BFF), married to a sarcastic husband (Greg's new BFF), and who also just quit her job in January to be a SAHM...definitely a blessing from the Lord! We've enjoyed nightly walks with our families, dinners at each other's houses and plenty of playdates for the boys, and now we're talking about reading/discussing a book together. I would be so lonely without having Rachel as a friend--it's amazing how the Lord provides.
We're also in the process of changing churches. When we were at Silverdale, we didn't get involved in a small group or Sunday school class, but since I was so involved at Covenant, I didn't feel like I was lacking Christian fellowship. Now that I'm at home and out of the Covenant community, I find myself wanting to join every Bible study and small group suggested to me. Not so much for Greg, though, and we're still trying to find the balance of introvert/extravert needs in a marriage. :) I know two things, though. First, I need to be growing in my spiritual walk, and I typically do that best through Christian community. But second, I also know that I have a tendency to overcommit and get too involved in too many activities. It's not just about me anymore, as my activities affect the time I have with my husband and children. So I've decided to take my time and really pray about small groups, Sunday school classes, book clubs, nursery duty and other regular commitments before I sign up. I know that I will need to be involved in something somewhere--it's how I'm wired. But before jumping in and then realizing I'm in too deep, I need to spend more time praying about where God wants to use me, my time and my energy.
I think it would be easy to be lonely as a stay-at-home mom, and honestly, there have been times in the past few months (okay, days) where I've cried because I've felt alone in this transition. But when I take a step back and look at the friends who God has placed in my life (even those who physically live farther away), I know that I'm extremely blessed. He alone is sufficient, but I praise Him for His provisions of fellowship as well.
Hey, lady- you are so authentic and this is one of the ways that your friendships, although they may physically change by proximity or time spent face-to-face, don't really go away. It was great to stop by your house in February and catch up with you like I had just seen you the week before, instead of several YEARS before. As the Lord places new opportunities and challenges and blessings before you, just know that those of us who have loved you for years and years, through life's changing seasons, will continue to love you and cherish you through these new seasons. Hopefully it won't be 4 years before I see you again, but if it is, I will look forward to picking up right where we left off. I luv ya! (BH)
ReplyDelete-Jenny